I Am Who I Am
by Shippo704
Summary: One-Shot. Renton thinks about his frustration that no one seems to understand on simple thing: That he is who he is; that Renton is Renton, and not just a part of someone else.


**I Am Who I Am**

* * *

Who am I?

Well, that depends, I suppose. It depends on who you ask. I can't really give a definitive answer myself, I'm only fourteen years old. Sure, I can tell you my name, but what does that mean, anyways?

Who am I?

In the eyes of most of the world, including my uncle and most of Gekkostate, I am Adroc's son. I am the son of the great hero, Adroc Thurston. The man who died to save the planet during the Summer of Love. The man who found the Amita Drive that was said to awaken the true power within the type zero, the Nirvash. I am his son, and that's all. This great man, with great characteristics, who did great things, Adroc Thurston, well, yeah. I'm related to him. That's all. And that's all the world sees. Not someone who can be great in his own right, but the son of a hero. They know the hero, but not me. I'm just there, a part of what makes up the hero. I don't exist as my own entity, my own self. I'm just a piece of the history my father, the hero.

Who am I?

To the researchers, to the diggers, to anyone who works with machines and mechanics, I am the grandson of the famous mechanic Axel Thurston. The man who dug up the type zero. The man who designed and built the rift board for the Nirvash twice. Just like my dad, he did great things, but he isn't as well known as my dad is. Grandpa is only known really well by the people in Bellforest and the people in specific professions. He was a mentor to many scientists and researchers at the Tresor laboratory, and dug with lots of different diggers in his time. I'm just his grandson. A relative of another shining star. Another person that I just happen to share a more significant portion of my DNA with than most other people on this planet do. What does my grandfather have to do with me? Oh yeah, he's famous, and I'm related to him. I'm just a piece of his history too, and not a terribly significant one at that.

Who am I?

If one were to ask Gekkostate, I suppose there might be more than one answer. To Holland, and Talho too, I guess, I am Diane's younger brother. I am the kid sibling of _her_. Holland's love. Be it first, or one of many, I don't know, but that doesn't matter. All that matters to Holland is that she dumped him and hurt him and that I'm her younger brother. I'm related to her so I must be exactly like her, right? Talho seems to think so, in any case. She more or less said so when Holland needed that blood transfusion from me after the fight with Charles. To Holland, I'm just a kid, and since I'm her brother, I'm her replacement for all the anger and frustration that he feels, but since I'm a boy and not actually my big sis, he can hit me and hurt me and use and abuse me all he likes. It's not fair! I'm just her sibling. I am not my sister, but those two can't seem to understand that. They can't understand that two people of the same blood aren't the same person. Just like the rest of the world.

Who am I?

To others on Gekkostate, I am just a kid, a brat. I'm the one that Holland abuses so that the rest of the crew don't have to deal with his changing moods. I'm the one who takes the dirty and mundane jobs on the Gekko that no one else wants to do. I bend to their every whim, just because I'm the kid, the one that, since I'm pushed around by Holland, gets to be pushed around by everyone else too. Just because I'm smaller than them, because I'm younger than them, because I'm not as mature as them, because I don't know as much as them because I wasn't in the S.O.F. because I'm a kid. I'm the one that they can use to make them feel better about themselves because they can do anything they want to me and I can't fight back. They don't know me, I'm just a tool to them. A tool and a toy. I don't know why Moondoggie is jealous of me, for being the new toy, because it's not fun at all, but I guess each person can have his or her own opinions. I like brother doggie, but he is kind of strange.

Who am I?

The Gekkostate also see me as Eureka's partner. I'm not me, I'm just a boy who was chosen by Eureka. I'm special for that, but it doesn't say anything about me. I'm just someone who happened to be in the right place at the right time. Nothing worth mentioning. I'm seen as someone attached to Eureka, and I don't mind this so much. I love Eureka with all of my heart and more. I want to protect her forever. The kids see me as someone who will take their Mama away, and I guess that might be right in a way, but I can live with those kids. If they're Eureka's children, then they can be my children too. But no matter what I do, I'm just an attachment. I'm someone that they see as a part of Eureka, not as me.

Who am I?

I am the pilot of the type zero, the Nirvash. There isn't much else to that, I'm just a kid who pilots the world's oldest L.F.O. Nirvash is the famous one, not me. I'm just the kid who sits inside him.

Who am I?

I wish I could give you a straight answer. But if you look at all of it, I am Adroc's son, and Axel's grandson, and Diane's kid brother, and tool and a toy of the Gekkostate, and someone that Eureka chose. That's a description of me, of course, and it's perfectly accurate. I am all of that, exactly. But each of these different things that I am show me as someone in terms of someone else. Nothing describes my character, my likes and dislikes, my feelings, anything. It all describes me as "someone related to..."

Who am I?

Apparently, not someone important enough to have his own identity. I am just someone who is known to have been with other noteworthy people.

Who am I?

Only one person has actually asked about me as a person. One person who calls me by my name like I am actually somebody. Domenic sees me as a person. He sees me as an individual separate from Eureka, from my dad, from my grandfather, from Gekkostate, from the Nirvash. To him I am...

Who am I?

I am Renton Thurston. I am a mechanic-in-training. I really like lifting, it's something I can enjoy. I am in love with the Coralian girl named Eureka. I am a fourteen-year-old kid who likes to see everyone else be happy. I want to help out everyone I can. I try to do what's right, but I still screw up sometimes, after all, I'm just a kid. I don't know everything about the world and I don't pretend to, I just try to figure out what I can so I can do what I need to to protect Eureka. I want to see her smile. I want to hold her tight and never let her go.

I am stubborn in my opinions. I like cleaning, it feels like a real accomplishment to see the ship sparkle. I like to cook. I try really hard, but still don't get very good grades in school. I have read every issue of RAY=OUT and for the longest time, Holland was my idol. The Gekkostate were people I looked up to and admired.

I live in a daydream, just like every other kid out there. I am naive about the world, and live my life like I imagine it being. And I know that you shouldn't beg for things. Do it yourself or you won't get anything. I live by that, and it feels pretty good.

Who am I?

I am all of these things. All of these different things are parts of what makes up Renton Thurston.

Who am I?

I am who I am, and I really wish that the people out there could see that.


End file.
